Leia Doesn't Have Blonde Hair (But Luke Sure as Hell Does)
by CharWright5
Summary: Growing up, James was Han, Kendall was Luke, and everyone knows that Leia isn't blonde.


_**A/N:**__ I don't even know, okay? Weird plot bunny with cute fluffy scenes and angsty ones and my own issues with the inaccuracies during the award ceremony of "Big Time Pranks". Also the summary kinda sucks, but it's all I could come up with. Written in a couple hours one afternoon while in a "Star Wars" mood._

_Don't own "Star Wars". Don't own "Big Time Rush". Barely own good ideas. Enjoy nonetheless._

* * *

James is five and this new kid shows up. He's got messy blond hair, a shirt that's a couple sizes too big, and ratty shoes with untied laces. James knows there's no way his mom would ever let him leave the house like that, would insist he change, brush his hair, have the nanny tie his shoes. And she _definitely_ wouldn't let him walk around looking so sullen, like someone had stolen his puppy. Just like how that new kid looks.

James wonders why he's so sad, how he _can be_ so sad, what with that awesome "Star Wars" lunchbox grasped tightly in shaky hands. And so he asks the new kid during recess, literally skipping over and plopping down cheerfully next to the blond moptop as he sat alone on the bench. Only James' smile goes away when he hears the other boy's reason for being so down.

"My daddy went away and we had to move."

James knows all about that, tells the new kid his daddy and mommy don't live in the same house, but it's okay 'cause they don't yell no more. He tells the new kid his name is James and he really likes the blond's super cool lunch box and "hey, wanna play 'Star Wars'?!"

And he does. He says he's Kendall and he loves Luke Skywalker and that's all kindsa perfect 'cause James loves Han Solo and they should be best friends.

The two of them play "Star Wars", with finger blasters and invisible lightsabers. The teeter totter is the Millenium Falcon and they blast all the TIE-fighters-who look a lot like their classmates-as they fly by, cheering each other on.

This girl named Jenny walks over and asks to join in but James says no way and tells her to get lost. She walks away looking sad, but he doesn't care 'cause he knows Han Solo wouldn't. Kendall looks like he cares though, giving his new best friend a confused look. James simply shrugs, his tone implying that his reasons were totally "duh".

"Leia doesn't have blonde hair."

James is ten and Kendall is his absolute bestest friend ever. Logan and Carlos have joined their alliance, sometimes even playing "Star Wars", but it's not the same. James and Kendall have the perfect friendship, constantly attached at the hip, no matter what. James is the only one who's seen Kendall's house, which is a really big deal 'cause he's totally embarrassed of where he lives, especially compared to the brunet's "super giant totally awesome house."

But James thinks Kendall's house is way cooler. There's woods surrounding the backyard like the forest moon of Endor. There's a giant sandbox like Tattooine. There's swings they can lay on their bellies on as they go back and forth, up and down, pretending to be space ships in outer space, flying between galaxies and on to their next battle.

James also thinks Kendall has a way cooler mom. She lets them play outside and not be mad at their hair getting ruffled or mud getting on their faces. She lets them have lightsabor fights and make loud noises as they chase each other everywhere. She lets them play with their action figures in the living room without yelling about picking expensive pillows up off the floor and removing grubby little hands from her designer settee-whatever that is.

But mostly James loves the freedom at Kendall's house. In his own home, he feels stifled, boxed in, like he can't breathe without doing it wrong. He's Han Solo when he was frozen in carbonite, unable to move for fear of failure. But at Kendall's, he's able to fly freely and without strict rules, the pirate he's meant to be.

James also likes Kendall's little sister Katie, likes her spunk and her sass, even though she's only five. Kendall think she's a total pain in the butt who should "go away! We're playing 'Star Wars'!" But James says Katie can play and hands her his extra blaster. He ignores his best friend's glares or the confusion in his green eyes, 'cause whatever, it doesn't matter. Katie has brown hair, just like Leia.

James is fifteen and pretty pissed off. He's a sore loser, always had been, competitions between himself and his three best friends getting pretty heated at times. But losing to Kendall is the worst. He becomes incredibly smug and arrogant, cocky smirk on his face for days, constant reminders at random moments about how he bested whoever at whatever. He's a sore winner, if such a thing exists.

And now, James is standing poolside, watching Kendall and Katie each receive their very own King of the Pranks crown, the twosome having defeated Darth Bitters-his secret codename within the confines of apartment 2J-with water guns. And while the younger Knight looks pretty awesome in her Skywalker gear-all black outfit with a gold colored jacket-James is annoyed as hell at the elder's Captain Solo gear because hello! _James_ is Han! Always had been, always will be. He's a stuck-up, half-witted, _not_ scruffy-looking nerf-herder-if nerfs were girls, of course. Kendall is good and valiant and kind and his last name is "Knight" for fuck sakes, as in "_Jedi_ Knight".

But that isn't the thing that's pissing James off the most-as stupid a concept as Kendall Solo is. It's Jo. He'd been annoyed by her pretty much since she arrived at the Palm Woods, and as much as he tries to convince himself it's because she's rejected his advances-once that godawful allergy rash had cleared up-and chosen his best friend over him, he knows that isn't why.

He isn't about to think of the true reasoning behind his general dislike of her though.

So instead he focuses on what's currently bothering him about the female: her Leia costume. Really, it can't even be called a costume. She's wearing pants for starters and the entire scene reeks of the ending to "A New Hope", where the princess wears a dress, fuckyouverymuch. And there there's the side-buns, not in the medal scene either. If you were gonna recreate a character's look, then you should do research and get the whole thing right, starting with the hair color.

Leia doesn't have blonde hair.

James is twenty and episode seven has been released. He's also incredibly fucking alone.

Okay, not technically, since he's in a line with a few hundred other costumed fanboys and girls outside a theater in downtown LA, all counting down the minutes until they're seated for the first midnight showing. The anticipation and excitement are practically tangible, a buzz under James' skin that makes his entire body feel like a livewire. His stomach is in knots, feeling like it's full of battling X-wings and TIE-fighters, in hopeless optimism that Disney didn't completely fuck up one of the greatest loves of his life.

Another great love is a few feet in front of him, long arms wrapped around a petite blonde James has grown to hate.

And because that isn't bad enough, the Universe had decided that James should be surrounded by couples, Logan and Camille currently "on"-again-and Carlos now going steady with the curly haired Jennifer, who is actually pretty nice and doesn't put him in horrendous cotton candy colored sweaters. Brunette Jennifer is out somewhere in town with Jett-ew-leaving blonde Jennifer alone and apparently so desperate to not be the only one without a date so she decided she'd "settle" for James.

He'd said no.

For a couple reasons, one being obvious because no one "settles" for James Diamond. They are lucky enough to experience being on the receiving end of his attention.

Number two was the fact that he's dressed as Han Solo, meaning his date would clearly be dressed as Princess Leia, which she obviously couldn't do.

Because Leia doesn't have blonde hair.

But Luke Skywalker does.

And so does Kendall Knight.

And as James takes in Kendall's "Return of the Jedi" era outfit of all black, complete with retractable lightsabor hanging from his belt and black leather glove on his right hand, the brunet thinks about what a shame it was that Han never ended up with Luke. He just happened to have a thing for blonds.


End file.
